When you google this sentence, you encounter all kinds of advice about avoiding suicide, how to become successful or more detached from the rat race.

That’s not what I don’t know anymore.

So what don’t I know anymore?

Here I would like to scream; EVERYTHING!

I used to write an essay of about 180 pages where I meticulously made an effort to think all the knowledge I accumulated over the years together, and was rather smug about it when I finished it. Just to discover shortly afterwards that it just showed how ignorant I am. I suppose when you can resume the most substantial part of your knowledge on 180 pages, you’re at best mediocre.

Then I wrote a novel, a historical fantasy, just trying to write something that I would have liked to read, and everyone was complaining that it was too difficult, while my intention was to entertain.

I visit concerts, museums, art expositions, read world literature and newspapers, follow up on the latest scientifically discoveries as long as it doesn’t grow beyond my capacity for understanding. Nada.

I’ve tried my lifelong to find an anchor in some philosophy or religion. More humbledebumble.

The only moment I find some peace is when the evening comes, and I sit down with my partner since 20 years to drink two beers, watch the sunset while she sips a glass of wine. She also doesn’t know IT, but apparently doesn’t care. As long I’m there and don’t drink more than two beers.

Is there someone out there who knows IT?

13 thoughts on “I don’t know it anymore.

  1. I know it. You know it. Whether or not they do too or not, matters not. It both is and is not. Best experienced and understood when one sits. Situated in stillness, nestled in between 2 other things. It by itself is nothing much. It only means anything when it is with any other…
    It – is – in – side – pitch – white – sight // number, letter, symbol, sign, squint to sea it in essence
    With in or with out our rain air earth fire sky spirit blight

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The internet is desperately begging us to level up, but we won’t. Why? Because we’re stuck in a mental prison built on the industrial and corporate mental model. Those institutions are dead, totally. They just don’t know it yet.
      I know my route isn’t for everybody. And I’m also certain some people are happy living in little boxes. A lot of people aren’t, though. They want to break out but they don’t know how.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wait..wait..wait!! I KNOWW what ‘It’ is!! A BOOK! A MOVIEE!! Yayyyy!! 🤣🤣🤣 I am soo sorry but I JUST COULDNT RESIST MAKING THE JOKE (although I know it was a fucking bad one! 🤣🤣)

    Have you seen It though? And hey, you wrote a novel? Now that’s exciting! 😍😍 what was the name? Can I read it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. IT was indeed a movie based upon a book of Stephen King, and I meant “it” by myself as a pun, so no bad blood there. I was reading the book. And yes, I started a series. It’s called the Maharajagar. As it happens I just finished to revise the second edition of the first part. I’ve provide you a link to a PDF version of it on the “my publications” page of this website (I couldn’t upload a kindle version since this website doesn’t support these files). Right now I’m working on the last chapter of the 3rd book out of 5. I’ve pinpointed its publication somewhere in March 2020. Some people complain that it’s a little brainy.

      Liked by 1 person

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